I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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