my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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