Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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