I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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