marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize