dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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