I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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