I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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