i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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