Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize