Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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