i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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