So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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