we need to drink 2009 down the drain
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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