so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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