She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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