There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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