You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize