When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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