what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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