If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize