I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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