Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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