Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize