You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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