I faked an abortion last night.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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