i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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