i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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