Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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