look no pants
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
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just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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