successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize