Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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