he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize