just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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