just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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