Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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