You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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