I have demons in me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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