You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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