I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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