I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's blow job season.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Of course I have a pirate flag
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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