Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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