she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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