Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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