he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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