This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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