I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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