yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When are your genitals available?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize