this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
not ubering you a puppy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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