He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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